by Richard May
God was an agnostic with lots of self-doubt.
God sent a dude, Jesus, to straighten out the fundies on Earth,
hoping that the fundies would become atheists or even devil
worshipers. God heard Jesus praying and said, "WTF!"
The Israelites heard Jesus praying and said, "WTF!"
The Romans heard Jesus praying and said, "WTF!"
Jesus' prayers were completely dyslexic and unintelligible;
No one understood what he was praying about.
The Romans were pragmatic centrists.
At first the Romans wanted to sell Jesus on e-Bay,
with some Tibetans thrown in to sweeten the deal.
But when wood futures declined in the 2nd quarter,
they decided upon crucifiction,
as preferable to hearing Jesus' dyslexic litanies
or eating cruciform vegetables.