The Eyes Of Revelation

Truth of the only Christian on Earth during the End Times ^*

"The damned whore Reason...." "To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason." -Martin Luther

by Richard May, scribe of Jessie

Jessie -- the Christian cat -- apparently still engaging in the idolatrous heathen practice of omphaloskepsis

The original Biblical scriptures may have been produced by a large number of monkeys typing randomly over a 'very long' period of time (see below) or by a transcendent Creator monkey as part of a simian revelation to humanity. According to some versions, the Creator monkey had a Son who typed randomly, producing all the world's literature as well, in order to take away our sins by sacrificing His time by typing for us.

In any case the world was certainly not created in six days (this appears to be a foolish pseudo-mistranslation, see below) but in six minutes. It was a rush job, because God wanted to go on holiday or perhaps to a football game, according to some Christian scholars. All of the units of time mentioned in the Bible are literally our minutes.

There is also some emerging doubt as to whether the Biblical events are actually even on an ordinal scale, which leaves completely open the question as to whether or not the act of Creation has yet occurred. But it obviously insults God and is blasphemy to claim six days were spent on creation of this world, which may have only been an experimental prototype or developed by God when he was a child, just fooling around. Likewise the Creation is about five thousand seven hundred sixty-five minutes old or, in other words, has existed for just over four of our days. Science, an instrument of Satan, which has only existed for four days, cannot prove otherwise.

Clocks, calendars, carbon dating and 'memory', itself, are the deceptions of Satan. Satan has implanted false memories in our minds, leading to the sinful illusion that we are more than four days old. Recognizing this revealed Truth has the added advantage that both the Old Testament and New Testament were written only a couple of days ago in the contemporary English of the Protestant Christian Bible, rather than in 'ancient' Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. The Jews have completely misunderstood 'their' scriptures for a few days now, because of their mistaken belief that the Bible was written in 'ancient' foreign languages, rather than contemporary Texas English, and addressed to believing Christians.

That the Bible is primarily a scientific manual of physics, cosmology, and biology, which consists of the literally true words for all time and in every detail of the Protestant Christian God as spoken to fellow Christians in modern English, there can be no doubt. However, what is seldom recognized is that the 'universe' or Creation, itself, to which the Holy Scriptures refer, is only symbolic and allegorical. This non-literal nature of the world of reality gives rise to confusion in the exegesis of the, of course, literally true Biblical scriptures.

The traditional creationist claim that man and dinosaurs co-existed at the same time and in the same place in the past is inaccurate and misleading. In fact man and dinosaurs still co-exist even today in Manhattan, i.e., their quantum wave functions still exist beyond time in the zero-point energy field at different frequencies in eleven dimensional hyperspace. We are just somewhat mutually unaware of each other at present. Nevertheless, it is the duty of a true Christian to attempt to also bring the dinosaurs to Jesus, if we cannot eat them first.

* "Recently my cat, Jessie, formerly a heathen Zen master, was born again, accepted Jesus as her Savior, and became the only Christian on Earth during the End Times! The following is from an exclusive interview with her, in her own words." -R.W.M.