Sunday, October 22, 2006

Bedtime Story: George And The Chosen Prions

by Richard May

GWesus Once upon a time there was a wonderful president of all the people named George the Compassionate Christian. He wanted to protect the American people from buying dangerous Canadian pharmaceutical drugs, which would be a form of economic terrorism against the impoverished mom-and-pop-store pharmaceutical companies, just trying to scrape by. George also wanted to make the world safe for democracy, especially important in the end times.

Apparently, according to George, Jesus loved assault rifles, transnational conglomerates and was an American Republican too, because he preferred depleted uranium to universal health insurance or to testing beef cattle for prions, which would be a form of economic terrorism against the cattle industry.

Jesus often said, "In my Father's house there are many cash registers." Jesus also said that the European Union was deceived by Satan and only Americans were good, because some few of them had the most money of all.

George was good, and he loved good people, so he decided to tax the so-called indigent and the so-called homeless, as the tax evaders they were, as a kindness to improve their self-esteem. The wicked socialists, i.e., anyone who foolishly thought that humans were sentient beings and corporation were not sentient, and that this actually mattered, objected to this; and to George's plan to reform the tax code, such that those with the lowest income were now to be honored with the highest taxes, as a kindness to improve their self-esteem.

But Jesus was said to work for the U. S. Justice Department and the wicked socialists, i.e., anyone not in a high corporate position or not a right-wing Republican, were now classified as supporters of terrorism, because the neocon Republicans were terrified some of the wicked socialist ideas would catch on.

So George saved the American people by always doing what was in their best interest in the end times. For example, George understood homelessness as just maximized American freedom, "considering the lilies of the field and how they grow …", not a social problem at all, as long as the so-called homeless paid their new homelessness tax.

George had wonderful values, was very wise and understood that such trifles as the nuclear and biological holocaust of a World War III, the effects of sudden global climate change on the ecosphere, environmental effects of greenhouse gasses and supposed deleterious heath effects of high arsenic levels in drinking water, the prudence of testing more than one percent of American cattle for BSE and trivialities such as healthcare were just wicked socialist concerns, certainly not important moral issues, like preventing gay marriage, especially during the end times.

Happily the endless end times finally arrived as a self-fulfilling prophesy, because George wanted to fulfill the lucid prophesy of the Texas Book Of Revelation, miraculously discovered under his dad's bed. During the Final Days, it was revealed that God actually had been living in a little town in Texas as a cattle rancher, after He retired from Texas Big Oil. God created the Earth about six thousand years ago, standing in Texas with an assault rifle.

So everyone on Earth died happily ever after! The best American people died smiling in their own personal underground bunkers, which were really modified SUVs, stocked with upsized delicious genetically modified and irradiated junk food, copies of the authentic Texas Book Of Revelation, written by Jesus, himself, and very large-screened plasma TVs, because they were the best.

Only God's chosen prions survived the end times in the brains of victims of CJD, many of whom had already been deliberately misdiagnosed as Alzheimers victims. By cleverly jumping from species to species, the meek prions inherited the Earth, as foretold in the Bible.

Jesus was exceedingly happy that the beef industry was healthy during the Final Days, a term apparently referring to the stock market, according to the chosen prions, which were all Republicans and fundamentalist Christians, needless to say. Eventually the by now highly evolved prions, aided symbiotically by internet viruses and trojans, went forth in warp drive starships to colonize the brains of the many brane worlds of the meshuggahverse, as the most noble CJD, exactly as God had intended from the very beginning.

No comments: